peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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