K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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