she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize