I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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