I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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