I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize