her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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