went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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