You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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