3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Porn is love you can see.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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