i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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