I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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