I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize