$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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