if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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