ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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