I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
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im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
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A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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