dude i'm inner monologue high
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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