i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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