I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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