I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize