its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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