she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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