you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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