i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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