Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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