I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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