JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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