You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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