she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize