I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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