Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize