get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I could fuck to npr.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize