if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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