Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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