Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I need to stop coming to work sober
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He has the fingertips of a God
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