Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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