He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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