and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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