i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize