I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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