there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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