The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize