You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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