don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have aggressive nipples.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Oh god it's open bar.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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