I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
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Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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