My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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