Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize