My room smells like vodka and shame
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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