the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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